Almost a decade ago I was writing a blog titled "Read, Relax, Recognize," and then somehow I fell out of it and moved to other things, but these present times are so fraught with conflict and confusion---it's time to get back to work!
And so, with that short introduction, here we go again!
"I See You"
Many years ago I was on the adventure of my life, driving in a VW van with friends across the Alps, through northern Italy and into southern France. On the Saturday night before Easter, we arrived in the beautiful ancient city of Arles. We parked the van and quickly found a seat in a café in the main square, close to the ancient Roman amphitheater, very eager to observe the holiday crowd doing all the interesting things that crowds do.
Many of the local men had been drinking heavily throughout the evening, and all around us was noise and mayhem. Suddenly, two guys began shouting at one another, and as they grew angrier and angrier the conflict escalated into a right violent fight with lots of flying fists. As they were too drunk to land many blows, they ended up grabbing one another’s shirts and continued the struggle that way.
Both of the men were completely lost in their anger, and this sad episode was surely not meant to have a peaceful outcome, but then something quite extraordinary happened. One of the men happened to glance into the eyes of the other, and then amidst the struggling, he kept looking. His opponent could sense that the other man was actually seeing him for the first time---not as an enemy but as another person. At once both men looked deeply at each other, they held their gaze, smiled, gave up their struggle and began to dance together in one another's arms. Yes, they danced together in one another's arms!! How amazing and unexpected a change of attitude it was.
In the whole of my life I will never forget this, and it is not only because we were saved one bloody fistfight on an Easter evening, but also because this is such a grand metaphor of how life can be. When we actually SEE one another as fellow human beings, our apparent differences look a lot different. We can have wildly divergent opinions, be of different ethnicities, have opposite views of politics and have no language or culture in common, but we can surely see one another despite all of that.
There is a beautiful greeting in the Zulu language: “Sawubona.” It means “I see you,” but this lovely phrase is not meant only in the common way of, “Oh, there is a body standing there,” but rather, “I see you in all your humanness and in our commonality as people.” When we see another in this way, we are seeing the essence, and we are not being distracted by all the labels and distinctions. When we have this clear vision, we allow our recognition of the oneness of all things to be sustained. We hold this truth to be self-evident---that there is only One thing here, and when we see, that One-ness is what we are seeing.
“Namaste” is another lovely greeting that exemplifies what I am pointing to. This is a greeting used in India; the word comes from Sanskrit and is a combination of “nama” and “te.” "Nama" means to bow, make reverential salutation or have adoration for, and “te” means “to you.” Its deeper meaning is “the god in me bows to the god in you,” and the greeting is done with the two palms brought together in front of one’s heart to symbolize the oneness. How wonderful a way to greet and be greeted, and how brilliant a reflection of the way things really are!
As noble and as inspiring as these customs are, it is so easy to forget this practie of clear seeing, isn't it? Surely we need reminders as we move through our day-to-day existence. We are constantly coming into contact with people with whom we wildly disagree, people who we feel are getting it totally wrong, and we sense the need in ourselves to make them see their wrong-ness. It may well be that at some level, yes, they are getting it horribly wrong, but where is our attention directed? Are we seeing only our disagreements and their wrong-ness, or are we truly able to SEE them as essentially non-different from ourselves?
When we observe a passenger at the airport shouting and cursing at the employee because the plane was late, we can be pretty sure that the passenger has lost sight of what really matters. If, however, we can bring forth loving support, respectful relating and gracious kindness---even in the midst of grand disagreement or upset---then we can be equally certain that the important things are being acknowledged.
Many of the local men had been drinking heavily throughout the evening, and all around us was noise and mayhem. Suddenly, two guys began shouting at one another, and as they grew angrier and angrier the conflict escalated into a right violent fight with lots of flying fists. As they were too drunk to land many blows, they ended up grabbing one another’s shirts and continued the struggle that way.
Both of the men were completely lost in their anger, and this sad episode was surely not meant to have a peaceful outcome, but then something quite extraordinary happened. One of the men happened to glance into the eyes of the other, and then amidst the struggling, he kept looking. His opponent could sense that the other man was actually seeing him for the first time---not as an enemy but as another person. At once both men looked deeply at each other, they held their gaze, smiled, gave up their struggle and began to dance together in one another's arms. Yes, they danced together in one another's arms!! How amazing and unexpected a change of attitude it was.
In the whole of my life I will never forget this, and it is not only because we were saved one bloody fistfight on an Easter evening, but also because this is such a grand metaphor of how life can be. When we actually SEE one another as fellow human beings, our apparent differences look a lot different. We can have wildly divergent opinions, be of different ethnicities, have opposite views of politics and have no language or culture in common, but we can surely see one another despite all of that.
There is a beautiful greeting in the Zulu language: “Sawubona.” It means “I see you,” but this lovely phrase is not meant only in the common way of, “Oh, there is a body standing there,” but rather, “I see you in all your humanness and in our commonality as people.” When we see another in this way, we are seeing the essence, and we are not being distracted by all the labels and distinctions. When we have this clear vision, we allow our recognition of the oneness of all things to be sustained. We hold this truth to be self-evident---that there is only One thing here, and when we see, that One-ness is what we are seeing.
“Namaste” is another lovely greeting that exemplifies what I am pointing to. This is a greeting used in India; the word comes from Sanskrit and is a combination of “nama” and “te.” "Nama" means to bow, make reverential salutation or have adoration for, and “te” means “to you.” Its deeper meaning is “the god in me bows to the god in you,” and the greeting is done with the two palms brought together in front of one’s heart to symbolize the oneness. How wonderful a way to greet and be greeted, and how brilliant a reflection of the way things really are!
As noble and as inspiring as these customs are, it is so easy to forget this practie of clear seeing, isn't it? Surely we need reminders as we move through our day-to-day existence. We are constantly coming into contact with people with whom we wildly disagree, people who we feel are getting it totally wrong, and we sense the need in ourselves to make them see their wrong-ness. It may well be that at some level, yes, they are getting it horribly wrong, but where is our attention directed? Are we seeing only our disagreements and their wrong-ness, or are we truly able to SEE them as essentially non-different from ourselves?
When we observe a passenger at the airport shouting and cursing at the employee because the plane was late, we can be pretty sure that the passenger has lost sight of what really matters. If, however, we can bring forth loving support, respectful relating and gracious kindness---even in the midst of grand disagreement or upset---then we can be equally certain that the important things are being acknowledged.
I look at the present political landscape in the US and I observe people expressing points of view or supporting theories that seem to me, well, crazy. But I have to pause. My first reaction upon hearing these things was to resist and make the people wrong and to get angry that they could think and behave in this way. Then, thank goodness, this practice of seeing somehow came to the rescue. I could still disagree with them, but I did not need to disdain them or make them "other." Instead, what I found myself doing was introspecting: "The things these folks support truly do seem crazy to me, but, BUT, what are the ways in which I am equally deluded?" Seen from the vantage of absolute clarity and wisdom, how many of my long held assumptions are crazy, that is, totally misaligned with reality? Humility is crucial; we should never assume that we have it absolutely right, for who knows how very much we don't know?
When I first came to study, live and work in Germany, it was only a few decades after the war. The older Germans I was meeting who were so kind to me, what had they done in the war? Likely many of them had personal stories that they were not very proud of. The priest in the Catholic dormitory where I lived had been in the Wehrmacht and in an American internment camp. The administrator at the tennis courts where I taught tennis in Munich had been in the SS on the Eastern Front. What horrors had he seen, and committed? It was an education for me. I could condemn the actions and want them to take responsibility for what they had done, but I could not hate the person.
And now for the most extreme example; please bear with me. This horrible war in Ukraine which Russia has unleashed not only on Ukraine, but in a sense, on the whole world. We see Russian soldiers committing atrocities; we see civilians dying in the streets, children blown apart by bombs, the grandmother of a friend of mine, 91 years-old, killed by shelling in Mariupol. I am struggling here; how can I make peace with the anger I feel for the Russian soldiers and their leaders who are doing these horrible things?
A friend recently posted a YouTube video of 220 Russian musicians really rocking out to the song "The Final Countdown" in a park in Moscow last year, before the war began. Look at all of these beautiful young people and this gloriously happy scene, viewed 2.7 million times by people from all around the world. These young Russians are laughing, singing and playing their hearts out. We can all share their joy and feel the commonality with them. And yet, maybe some of these same young Russian musicians have been conscripted into the army, and they are the ones who are now raining death and destruction on civilians in Ukraine. I surely cannot justify or support their actions, but no, I can't hate them. In my mind's eye I see them there playing their instuments in the park in Moscow---living a human life with all its twists and turns. I know there are many ways to respond to the tragedy that they are participating in, but hatred is not the way.
As with all things, the decision to maginalize, or to include, is a choice we have. No outer circumstance can force us to forget our commonality; we decide that for ourselves. As for myself, I know for sure that I want a life that is filled with joy and peace and which aspires to find the end to conflict, both in the world and in myself. Only by each of us making that choice in each moment and in each encounter will the war-ravaged world we live in be transformed.
Hmm, better to dance than hate, wouldn’t you say!
